i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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