bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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