PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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