my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
