Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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