Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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