just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
