i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
someone owes me an orgasm
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
