I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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