mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
