did you get engaged???
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
