Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Bring me that man meat
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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