Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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