There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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