I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
