Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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