Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
