I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
