I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize