The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
