found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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