the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just threw up on my dentist
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
