i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
