Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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