My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm at about main and main street
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
