Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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