I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I believe in your delicious
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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