she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I look better un-naked...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize