this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So apparently I’m into choking now
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