I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize