i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
