i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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