she smelled like a LAN party
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
