I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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