Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
