The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
