i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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