no, he came in my armpit
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
