Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my shit smells like andre
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
