He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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