He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
