tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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