I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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