I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
