Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I enjoy the company of your penis
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
