We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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