I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Found your dick twin last night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
