If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
