The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
