I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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