Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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