So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
