i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize