Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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