I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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