Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
