ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
