Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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