real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
