Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
