Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm like, not good at living.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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