I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
