I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
