I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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