I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
