Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
