That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
