Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
