I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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