You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
