i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
