dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize