u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
