i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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