So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
