and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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